My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
