That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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