Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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