You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
