I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
