I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm bleeding and have questions
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
