By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
