im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
