There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
