Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my liver is dry heaving
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
