That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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