so explain again why im purple
no
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
