Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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