I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
