I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
