sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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