Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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