I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, beer. Big fan.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
