Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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