I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
