We won't sleep together?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
