dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize