I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
