Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
