i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
