white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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