We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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