I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
