Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
