Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
