What a fucking waste of an outfit
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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