"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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