when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
