Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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