I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
