He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
