I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
