On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
