how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
