that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
