In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
