You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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