the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
