Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
