yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
