I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize