will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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