I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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