Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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