i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i dont even know how to be here
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
