I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I could fuck to npr.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
