i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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