bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
