woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
