I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
