You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize