We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
