my vag is so smooth its legendary
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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