im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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