nut hugger
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We have started to decorate penises.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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