you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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