it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
