We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
