I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize