More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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