Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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