To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the condom got lost in my hair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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