U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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