Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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