well most of my day revolves around power hour
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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