She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
