I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
