Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize