i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
