shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
