He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
