We won't sleep together?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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