i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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