I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize