I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
