But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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