How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
