This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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