I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
