Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
