Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
