we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
