What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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