We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
