I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
