"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
