i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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