so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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