You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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