oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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