I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
