you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
