what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
