I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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