He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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