If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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