i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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