i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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