You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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