She is in my trunk
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
