i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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