Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
