Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize